KINSHIP SNACKS: How To Help Kids Process Owies and Everyday Upsets

Plus: what if my friend’s baby doesn’t like me; what to do with Grandma Nettie’s china; the restful houses of women who live alone; the thousand year cleanup; actions speak louder than rabbits.

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How to Respond to Owies and Other Everyday Upsets

One thing I love about being an Auntie to many specific kids over the years is that I’ve gained a lot of perspective about kids in general. For example, many parents (especially first time parents who don’t know many other families) think their kid is super accident-prone. But the more time you spend around kids and families, the more you realize that most kids are accident-prone. They’re not very coordinated and they don’t have any sense of their own mortality, so they are forever trying to stand up under the corner of the coffee table or running at top speed in flip-flops down steep hills.

When a kid bites the dust, it can be hard for Aunties to know how to respond. If one or more parents or closer family members is there to rush in, should we try to help or should we stay out of it? If we’re on our own with the kid, how much should we comfort them versus encourage them to shake it off? And what should we say to the parents about it afterward?

If you’ve witnessed a kid have a big fall or crash, you may be familiar with the brief pause before they begin to wail – or before they dust themselves off and scamper away. In that moment, the kid is assessing how bad their injury is and how upset they feel. Their level of tiredness and blood sugar and emotional coping strategies inform how they’ll react (which is a good reason to serve a meal or snacks every couple of hours). They’ll also often attune their reaction to the reaction of the adults.

A non-life-threatening injury can be an opportunity for grown-ups to help kids develop coping skills, because children learn to process emotions largely by mirroring adults’ emotional weather patterns. So when a kid gets hurt, our reaction might telegraph that they should panic, or we can model calm and self-regulation. For example, a cut while using a big sharp knife in the kitchen can be experienced forever after as a dangerous, scary situation – or kids can learn to shake it off and sport that bandaid as a badge of experience. This isn’t about telling kids not to feel their feelings; it’s about helping them process what happened.

If you want to find out how to teach kids to self-soothe, process unpleasant everyday experiences, and move on with their day, upgrade to a paid subscription now! It’s $5 per month or $50 for the year.