“There Are So Many Ways to Show Up for Kids and Families Impacted by the Child Welfare System”
Practical ideas for supporting youth in foster care – whether you're a foster parent or not
Happy Foster Care Awareness Month, Aunties! Let’s become more foster care aware! Today I have for you a loving, informative, and practical interview with cross-platform social media star1 Laura the Foster Parent Partner, whose new book, First Time Fostering, is out May 12. If you or anyone you know are just starting out as a foster parent, Laura’s book is an absolutely, positively, definitely must-read. But even if you’re not in a place to foster, today’s interview is for you. You’ll get tons of practical ideas for how all of us can plug in to support the youth in foster care2 in our own communities.
A special heads up for educators and others who work with youth: below, Laura also offers great advice on what schools can do — many of which may be relevant to other settings like community centers or athletics, too. I wish I’d had these guidelines when I was still in the classroom. Share them with your colleagues!
Also, I finally got my butt in gear and selected the organization we’ll be supporting with our Auntie Bulletin Bookshop.org affiliate revenue through at least the end of Q2 2026. I’ve actually known my pick for months, I just didn’t have the oomph to get things set up. But now we’re set up! Make it to the end to find out who we’re supporting!
Now Let’s Get To It
Lisa: So Laura, how did you become the Foster Parent Partner?
Laura: I was going through a very specific situation as a foster parent and I was really stressed out about it. I was looking online for people who had similar experiences – what were their outcomes, what happened next – and I couldn’t find much. When I asked my friends, they didn’t have a lot to share either. I have a friend who makes content – the Formula Mom – and she said, “You should be talking about this online. No one is making this kind of educational content.” So I took a $200 Instagram class.
Lisa: How long ago was this?
Laura: About five years ago. So I took the class, made one video – I’d never even browsed TikTok before – and I thought, I’ll put it on TikTok because no one will see it. I’ll show it to my friend, get some feedback, whatever. So I put it up and kind of forgot about it, because I didn’t really know how TikTok worked. Within a few days, it had several million views.
Lisa: Wow!
Laura: I thought, “I think I should keep doing this. People are interested in this kind of content.” When I was taking my foster parent training classes, the trainer would lay out scenarios, and I found that to be the best part of the training. I thought, “maybe other people like to learn this way too.”3
Here’s Laura’s first Foster Parent Partner video — not too shabby!
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I really tried to make content for beginners – people in that first year. Not advanced parenting, because I think we’re all still learning that. Anyone doing “advanced parenting” knows it’s a lifelong education. So I stuck to the beginning and became a source of information for that stage. Now if I don’t know something, I ask my audience, get feedback, make a blog post or a video, and keep collecting more on these really tough situations.
Lisa: I love the format where you just pretend to talk to kids and adults, because then we can all imagine whoever you’re talking to, and that person can look like anybody.
Laura: That is by design, thank you! I know it’s super corny, and I get some critiques about the acting. I just had to get over that very early on.
Lisa: What do you wish people knew about the foster system?
Laura: At every phase of most systems in our government, there are a lot of fragile, broken pieces. I always say that even though band-aids will not fix the system, they’re super important. Foster caregivers apply a lot of band-aids, and there’s value in that.
Lisa: I think this is especially important for people with progressive politics. We always want to go to the source and treat the problem, but in the meantime, people are bleeding.
Laura: I get asked, “How can you participate in a system that is unethical, or harming families?” I can acknowledge all of that, but there are still kids in it today, over 300,000 children, right now. We have to show up for them, and I think that’s true across the helping community – we see it play out in our classrooms, in our hospitals, everywhere. You still have to show up for the people affected today, and hope that there are organizations, politicians, advocates, and policies working toward greater change. But for today, a kid needs a warm bed. They need someone to be soft with them during a hard time.
Lisa: What’s an example?
Laura: Something as simple as a little welcome basket, a snack kit, a small gift waiting for a child when they arrive. I hear from former foster youth about how they remember that. If you ask them what made them feel welcome, it’s often, “Oh, just having some snacks when I got there.” They’ll remember that for years. Or having a spot cleared out – “this shelf is yours, you can put your things here.” It feels small, but these kids are in crisis.
There’s such a vast need, and so many ways to plug in that people don’t realize. If you’re feeling at all drawn to care about this community, there is a place for you. It may not be fostering, but there are so many other ways to show up for kids and families impacted by the system. I didn’t realize all the options that existed when I first started fostering, honestly. Now I tell everyone: if you don’t want to foster, that’s okay – there are other things you can do.
Something as basic as linking your grocery store card to a local foster care organization. Easy. Registering to vote and actually voting. Following news alerts for foster care in your area – there are so many local issues and policies affecting kids and families. If we can just inform ourselves, we can inform others, and vote for people who are prioritizing the welfare of children and families. Those are easy starting points. You can drop donations at a foster closet or a transitional housing unit.
If you’re in a professional role – photographer, videographer, barber, makeup artist, hairstylist – there are services you could provide for organizations and kids: taking senior pictures, doing prom makeup, everyday needs that community members can fill.
And then there are the greater advocacy roles, such as becoming a CASA – a Court Appointed Special Advocate – where you’re really plugging into a child’s life and advocating for them in court and day-to-day.
Lisa: It never occurred to me before that the services professionals already offer to our communities might be something we could also offer to kids and teens in foster care, as well as to foster families. Where would someone reach out to offer that? A state-level agency?
Laura: Yes, but this is a real point of friction. A lot of people try to help and never hear back, so they take that help elsewhere or stop trying altogether. Everyone in the foster care world is very busy, very overstretched, and you kind of have to plug in at the right moment.
That said, you can reach out to local foster care agencies that license foster families, or nonprofits serving specific functions. You can email your local school counselor and say, “Hey, I’m in the community – if any kids or families could use a free haircut for back to school, give them my name.” Post about it on social media if you have a business presence. You don’t have to go through official channels. And it extends to professional services too – accounting, resume assistance, networking help. There are programs at community colleges serving former foster youth where you could offer your expertise and connections. The list goes on. You do have to be resourceful in seeking it out, but once you get connected with local organizations, they’ll keep coming back to ask you. It’s just a matter of making those right connections, and that part can be tricky.
And you may not feel thanked. You may not always get that warm feeling, and if that’s what you’re looking for, I might direct you toward a more direct care community. But being persistent and continuing to show up does matter.
Lisa: I’m a former high school teacher, and there’s a section in your book about schools that made me think, “I wish I had this when I was in the classroom.” A lot of people who read The Auntie Bulletin are educators, childcare providers, athletic coaches, youth pastors – people who serve kids and come into contact with foster youth. Is there anything you specifically want these groups to know?
Laura: Youth in foster care are often experiencing trauma responses – behavioral and emotional needs that are hard in the classroom, in sports, in community. The adults who aren’t scared away by that are the most impactful ones. I’m thinking of an art teacher who said to me once: “When a family is struggling, we need to step further in, not step out.” A lot of people in the community back away when things get hard. It’s really important that community members stay put. You may need to adjust what kids can participate in, and how, for the safety and well-being of everyone. That’s fine. But don’t leave when things get hard.
15 Ways for Schools to Support Youth in Foster Care (modified from First Time Fostering)
Provide a heads-up to the child and foster parent about active shooter drills, fire drills, and so on – warning about when these will happen and checking in with the student afterwards.
When possible, notify foster parents and youth if there will be a sub.
Schedule check-ins with school counselors or social workers.
Don’t require “close your eyes” activities and avoid making the room completely dark.
If the child is being called to the office, write the reason on the slip (e.g., “You are being asked to go to the office to take your medicine” is better than “Go to the office, they need you for something.”)
Print and post schedules so that kids know what to expect.
Create transition plans for returning after long periods of not attending school.
Use inclusive language like “caregiver,” “grown-up,” or “adult,” and portray different types of families in books and activities.
Make extra copies of homework and assignments available, including digitally so that the foster parent can access them from home.
Invite all students to make two Mother’s Day or two Father’s Day gifts – or allow them to opt out.
Give penalty-free deadline extensions and additional time for homework or projects.
Make family tree, “about me,” or baby photo projects optional. Alternatively, allow all students to focus on a famous or historical person instead.
Don’t publicly call out kids for late assignments or not turning in homework.
Provide multiple options for credit recovery, and partial credit for work completed.
Provide foster parents with written documentation if a kid needs to visit the nurse or gets hurt at school.
Laura: Teachers save lives.4 They’re sometimes the only person in a child’s life that a kid trusts and feels safe with. And often it’s a teacher who makes the hotline call – they’re mandated reporters. School is also, by federal policy, one of the few things that’s supposed to remain consistent for children in foster care. It may be the only place they see a sibling. It’s where their friends are – their whole social world. Schools provide normalcy and steady relationships – not just the classroom teacher, but the music teacher, the art teacher, the coach. Those are kids’ favorite parts of the day. They need something to look forward to.
Lisa: I’ve really appreciated your videos on responding to big behaviors, and also on responding to kids who need to hide or make themselves small.
Laura: Things feel uncomfortable at times, and you may encounter a kid acting in a way you could never have imagined. There’s a lot we can do to modify situations, make them safe again, and set kids up for success. But it’s important that we’re not scared, and that we’re willing to be flexible, to tolerate changes in relationship and experience, including not being stuck in a fixed idea of how things should go. Planning a birthday party at SkyZone for your friend who’s fostering might be something you want to think twice about, if you truly want that child to be included. That’s a simple example, but it’s the idea of stepping in, being brave, showing up, and not retreating – because a lot of times, foster families feel like they’re on an island.
There have been things I’ve experienced where I thought, “I can’t even tell anyone about this – where would I even begin? They’ve missed the first twenty steps that got us here, and now I just feel so alone.” I think a lot of foster families feel the same way. It’s hard to see everyone so supportive at the beginning – “Wow, this is amazing, I’m so excited for you!” – and then when things change and evolve, not everyone wants to change alongside you. That can be really hard.
Lisa: It seems like an almost exaggerated version of what sometimes happens when people have kids in general – their community is excited at first, and then it turns out to be more intense than expected.
Laura: That’s a great point. We see it replicated in a lot of places – when you lose a loved one, in the grieving process. When you’re a military family, or have a child who’s disabled, or you’ve experienced an accident, a divorce. These big human experiences that touch all kinds of everyday lives. We all have to modify, be flexible, rethink how we stick together through it.
The National Indian Child Welfare Association (NICWA) is a Badass Organization That All Aunties Should Know
Okay, so what NICWA does is work to ensure that Native kids get raised in Native communities. This is urgent work, and far from guaranteed thanks to the U.S.’s fully evil track record of Native family separation and forced assimilation.
You may or may not be aware that the removal of Native children from their families didn’t end with the phasing out of Indian boarding schools. Following WWII, the U.S. government instead started promoting policies whereby children would be removed from their homes and communities and adopted by non-Native families. In the 1960s and 1970s, a quarter to a third of Native kids were being removed to non-Native homes despite the availability, in many cases, of relatives and Tribal members who wanted to care for them.
The Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA) was enacted in 1978 to put a stop to adoption-based removal of Native kids, requiring instead that agencies do everything they can to keep families intact, prioritize foster placements within the child’s family and community, and ensure that the Tribal Nation and family are fully informed and involved in state court proceedings.
ICWA is a critically important law, but (surprise) it hasn’t been particularly well-upheld. Indeed, in the early 2020s, the state of Texas and three foster families sued the federal government, claiming that ICWA was unconstitutional. It was largely thanks to NICWA and the efforts of many other Native leaders and advocates and their allies that in 2023, the U.S. Supreme Court ultimately decided 7-2 in favor of ICWA.
But the work is far from done. Today NICWA is still actively advocating for child welfare policies that center Native community strengths and culturally responsive services. They continue to work to strengthen ICWA protections and other federal, state, and Tribal policies that protect Native kids and Native families, they provide a bunch of community resources and support, and they actively facilitate good relationships between non-Tribal and Tribal governments. They’re essential, they’re important, they’re incredibly bad-ass.
All the affiliate revenue we’ve earned so far in 2026 through our Auntie Bulletin shop at Bookshop.org, and all the revenue we’ll accrue through (at least) June, will be going to NICWA. And you don’t just have to buy books I’ve recommended through this newsletter. If you bookmark our shop, you can search for and buy any book and we’ll pick up some affiliate revenue to send NICWA’s way, at no additional cost to you or me.
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Laura has about 2 million followers across YouTube, TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram – which, hell yes! There definitely are not that many new foster parents in the United States, or probably even in the world, but even with duplicate subscribers across platforms, Laura’s follower stats suggest that a lot of people truly want to have our most vulnerable kids’ backs.
Laura helpfully offered me the language “kids in foster care” as an alternative to “foster kids,” and I’m grateful for the loving correction. If you’re not familiar with the purpose behind people-first language, here’s a quick primer.
I’m now putting on my longtime teacher-educator hat to tell you that Laura’s right, people absolutely do like to learn this way. The demonstrating method she created for her videos is backed up by a preponderance of education research as one of the absolutely most powerful ways people can learn new skills. We teacher educators are always trying to get good videos of experienced teachers doing specific teaching moves, for the purpose of sharing with, unpacking, and rehearsing with newbies.
Laura’s list of ways schools can support youth in foster care is a great example of what educators and other social scientists call “targeted universalism.” The basic idea is that, when we build in accommodations for one group of learners, they tend to help everyone.
When I was on instagram Laura was one of my favorite follows! Such a helpful window into a part of our culture that feels like something of a black box to outsiders (I feel similarly about the podcast Ear Hustle, produced by folks in the incarceration system). Back when I was still uncertain about choosing not to have children, one of the things that was constantly in the back of my mind was "what if I regret it, and then it's too late?" Watching Laura's content reminded me that it's never too late if fostering is on the table. I can welcome children into my home at any time in my life if I decide that's something I want to take on.
I've long wanted to get involved with the foster care system. Not sure if I'm ready to be a foster parent, but interested in supporting as a single person with no kids who loves kids. I'm curious if Laura had anything to say about providing respite care. I know that foster parents can only use babysitters who are licensed, and I've wondered if that might be a good role for me to provide.
Looking forward to reading her book!