The line about asking folks help when they offer AND accepting it if they say no, they don't want your help is hitting me today! I have struggled the past few years with a friend who had a baby and I was so excited to be part of her life and help bc I genuinely do love babies, but for various (valid) reasons, she didn't really want my help (though she desperately needed help). Her parents finally moved here after two years and the challenge is easing. We're finally resuming our friendship this year after very occasional baby focused get together for the past two years. She is even wanting to plan a friend's trip this year, which used to common Pre baby. But it was really difficult to accept her no the past few years and I've been frustrated about it. I'm gonna sit with the comment and what acceptance looks like for the next while.
This is such a thoughful comment, Liz. I'm so curious about what your friend's rationale was for not wanting support -- AND it's none of my business. But I wonder if there are parents who read this thread who were in the same kind of position at some point -- feeling overwhelmed but not wanting certain kinds of support -- what was your thought process?
Just chiming in to say I've had a similar experience to what you describe here, Liz. I moved to a new town a year and a half ago and one of the big draws was to live near some close friends with kids and to be an active auntie. We would visit or go on trips with these friends pretty often, and their daughter and I always got along well, so I figured being nearby would provide the chance for more day-to-day community.
Over the last year and a half, I have tried offering help in several different ways and at different moments in time and have observed that it is rarely accepted, though these friends do accept help from their parents and siblings. We go visit them at their house or meet out for meals, but it feels no different than before we lived here. The vision I had of auntie-hood has not come to fruition, and it's been hard not to feel discouraged. As you point out, maybe there's some more acceptance needed on my part. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Oh my goodness. I loved this so much, thank you Lisa 🙏 ❤️ Friendships in motherhood are a trip!
I recently read Friendaholic by Elizabeth Day and it made me think long & hard about my own friendships.
Now adding Ann’s book to the pile too. 🙏
I’ve just turned 40 and am having to let go of some relationships that just aren’t healthy anymore (were they ever?), and also be honest about what kind of friend I am / want to be for the next 40+ years. ✨
The early 40s are a real time of reckoning, aren't they? I feel like I'm totally recognizing, "Okay, I've got (if I'm lucky) a second half left to go here -- what do I want to prioritize?"
The line about asking folks help when they offer AND accepting it if they say no, they don't want your help is hitting me today! I have struggled the past few years with a friend who had a baby and I was so excited to be part of her life and help bc I genuinely do love babies, but for various (valid) reasons, she didn't really want my help (though she desperately needed help). Her parents finally moved here after two years and the challenge is easing. We're finally resuming our friendship this year after very occasional baby focused get together for the past two years. She is even wanting to plan a friend's trip this year, which used to common Pre baby. But it was really difficult to accept her no the past few years and I've been frustrated about it. I'm gonna sit with the comment and what acceptance looks like for the next while.
This is such a thoughful comment, Liz. I'm so curious about what your friend's rationale was for not wanting support -- AND it's none of my business. But I wonder if there are parents who read this thread who were in the same kind of position at some point -- feeling overwhelmed but not wanting certain kinds of support -- what was your thought process?
Just chiming in to say I've had a similar experience to what you describe here, Liz. I moved to a new town a year and a half ago and one of the big draws was to live near some close friends with kids and to be an active auntie. We would visit or go on trips with these friends pretty often, and their daughter and I always got along well, so I figured being nearby would provide the chance for more day-to-day community.
Over the last year and a half, I have tried offering help in several different ways and at different moments in time and have observed that it is rarely accepted, though these friends do accept help from their parents and siblings. We go visit them at their house or meet out for meals, but it feels no different than before we lived here. The vision I had of auntie-hood has not come to fruition, and it's been hard not to feel discouraged. As you point out, maybe there's some more acceptance needed on my part. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Oh my goodness. I loved this so much, thank you Lisa 🙏 ❤️ Friendships in motherhood are a trip!
I recently read Friendaholic by Elizabeth Day and it made me think long & hard about my own friendships.
Now adding Ann’s book to the pile too. 🙏
I’ve just turned 40 and am having to let go of some relationships that just aren’t healthy anymore (were they ever?), and also be honest about what kind of friend I am / want to be for the next 40+ years. ✨
The early 40s are a real time of reckoning, aren't they? I feel like I'm totally recognizing, "Okay, I've got (if I'm lucky) a second half left to go here -- what do I want to prioritize?"
Ann Friedman forever!!! But truly Ann has been a North Star for me for so long of how to be a cool feminist lady!! Love to see her featured here!