Why Sensitive, Neurodivergent Introverts Make Great Aunties

So 👋 many 👋 waving 👋 hand 👋 emojis 👋.

I don’t know about you, but the idea that sensitive, neurodivergent, introverted adults would be great with kids strikes me as counterintuitive. Those of us with sensory sensitivities (hi! 👋) often have very specific needs around lighting, noise levels, smells, messes, and bodies careening around – yet kids love to flick the overhead lights on and off, they bellow unexpectedly and for protracted periods of time, they make huge messes, and they’re often oblivious to other people’s personal space. We neurodivergent folks with our autism (me maybe? 👋) or anxiety (me for sure! 👋) or ADHD¹ or all three (plus whatever else, neurodivergence contains multitudes) – we often need things to be just so – yet kids don’t know or care about our systems and routines. As introverts (yep, very much me! 👋), we tend to be drained by social interaction, and we need quiet downtime to recharge – yet kids often want nothing more than our total and unceasing attention.

In spite of all these apparent incompatibilities, however, I’m here to suggest that hanging with kids can be oddly relieving for adults with sensory sensitivities and neurodivergences who otherwise need a lot of time alone. This is because kids have almost no social expectations, which allows us to actually be ourselves with them. Given our often significant needs for quiet, predictability, and downtime, however, it may make sense for us to have a part-time, Auntie-type relationship with kids.

Today’s post ventures into somewhat tricky territory that I’ll be exploring a lot more in 2025: why people might choose Auntiehood – perhaps even (I’m going there) instead of parenthood. Honestly, I’m nervous. I am about to make the pitch that, if you’re a sensitive, neurodivergent, and/or an introvert and you’re on the fence about parenthood, deciding to become an Auntie instead is worthy of your sincere consideration. My worry is that I’ll come off as criticizing or not understanding sensitive, neurodivergent, introverted parents, which is the last thing I want. Honestly, I have a track record of hurting people’s feelings when I least intend to, because I am not always great at diplomacy (autism, maybe! 👋).

So let me just start with this caveat: whoever you are, whatever your personality or needs, if you’re a parent or primary caregiver, The Auntie Bulletin is behind you. An essential aim of this newsletter is to have parents’ backs. If you’d like to weigh in on something I’ve missed or misunderstood, I sure do welcome your thoughts.

Okay, then.

Kids and Sensitive, Neurodivergent Introverts Have a Lot in Common

Imagine you’re at a party. It’s that time of year right now, so let’s say it’s a holiday party. 10 adults, or 20, or 30. Kids scamper underfoot. The lighting is bright, the music is loud, the conversations are many, shifting, and surface-y. Forget about a cozy one-on-one chat with your friend who you haven’t seen in awhile; even if you do manage to sit down with them, others will sidle up soon enough and almost inevitably change the subject away from whatever you were talking about that you were actually interested in. Or their partner or kids or your partner or friend will need or want something, or you’ll have to pee and when you get back your friend will be talking to someone you don’t really know and you will find that, in the midst of a party, you’re not really feeling up for meeting new people.

Meanwhile, you have this really great book waiting at home. Can you go home now even though you only got here an hour ago? Will the host think you don’t like them? You have some friends at the party whom you haven’t seen in a long time and you haven’t even talked to them yet. Are you allowed to leave without talking to them? Are you allowed to leave without saying goodbye to anyone? If you go sit in the car until your partner is ready to go, will people notice and think you’re weird? Is there somewhere you can hide?